Do You Love Me?

John 21:15-17

“Do you love me?”

This is the third time I’ve started this message. Each time something different has come out of my head and down through my fingers and out into this document on my computer. Perhaps it’s not a coincidence that this is the third time. God is big on threes: the three persons of the Trinity, the three nails in the cross, the three denials of Peter, the three times that Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me?”

The first time I sat down to write this, I focused on what Jesus told Peter to do. “Feed my lambs.” “Take care of my sheep.” “Feed my sheep.” The second time I tried to do an analysis of the two Greek words used in these three (there’s three again) verses. But this third time, I told God I wanted to get to the heart of the question that Jesus was asking. After all, God doesn’t repeat Himself without reason, without meaning, and over the years I’ve discovered that when God says something once, you should listen and do as He says. When He says something twice, He really wants you to pay attention, but when He says something three times, He really wants you to know that what He’s saying is serious.

In recent weeks, we’ve heard messages on the questions Jesus asked throughout the book of John. We’ve heard Jesus ask us what we wanted, if we knew what grace was, if we wanted to be whole, if we believed in the Son of Man, if we would die with Him. Yet I think that this last question of Jesus in the book of John is the most difficult. Jesus peers into our souls, into our hearts and minds and asks, “Do you love me?”

It is a question that should pierce our hearts. It is a question that should cause us to step back and think. It is a question that we need to answer, not to others, but to God Himself. It is a question that requires an answer, an honest, real answer. For this is the only time in the entire Bible when God asks this question of anyone. Other places in the Bible He tells us to love Him. Deuteronomy 6:4, 5 says, “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all you heart, all your soul, and all your strength.” Jesus later stated that this was the greatest commandment God had given (Mt 22:37, Mk 12:30, Lk 10:27). In Deuteronomy 11:1, Moses tells the people, “You must love the Lord your God and obey all his requirements, laws, regulations, and commands.” Jesus reiterates this in John 14:15: “If you love me, obey my commandments.” But in this short passage, we find the only time in all of Scripture that God asks us, “Do you love me?”

Why does He ask? And why does He ask three times? Scholars agree that Jesus asks Peter this question three times to offset the guilt Peter feels for denying Jesus three times. If you remember, Peter, the night before Jesus was crucified, denied publicly three times that he knew Jesus: “The woman asked Peter, ‘Aren’t you one of Jesus’ disciples?’ ‘No,’ he said, ‘I am not.’ . . . Meanwhile, as Simon Peter was standing by the fire, they asked him again, ‘Aren’t you one of his disciples?’ ‘I am not,’ he said. But one of the household servants of the high priest, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, asked, ‘Didn’t I see you out there in the olive grove with Jesus?’ Again Peter denied it. And immediately a rooster crowed.”(John 18:25-27) Jesus had predicted the moment, and in the book of Luke, Luke records what Peter did next. “As soon as he said these words, the rooster crowed. At that moment the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered that the Lord had said, ‘Before the rooster crows tomorrow morning, you will deny me three times.’ And Peter left the courtyard, crying bitterly.” (Luke 22:60-62)

Peter knew what he had done. He had denied not only his Messiah, but his friend. The guilt must have weighed heavily on him. Jesus knew this. I believe that’s why He asked this question of Peter three times. Jesus knew Peter’s heart, but He wanted Peter to know he’d been forgiven. So Jesus asked the question three times, in order to allow Peter to reaffirm his commitment not only to his Lord, but also to his friend.

So Jesus looks down the centuries and asks us the same question. Here’s my theory as to why He asks us the same way He asked Peter. How many times have we denied we knew Jesus? Maybe we didn’t do it with words, like Peter, but perhaps by approving of actions we knew Jesus would not approve. Maybe we didn’t stand up for Him when someone else put Him down. Maybe we denied knowing Him by our own actions. Whatever the case, He is giving us the same opportunity that He gave Peter: a chance to reaffirm our commitment to our Lord and our Friend. He looks at us and says, “Do you love me?”

What is your answer to that question? There are really only two answers: yes or no. But maybe you’re unsure of what it means to love Him. What does it mean to love Jesus as your Lord and your Friend? Well, I have a theory about that, too. I believe that it has to do with the two Greek words that Jesus uses in these three short verses. The first Greek word is agapao, from which we get the word agape. The second is the word phileo, from which we get words like philanthropy and Philadelphia. Let’s look at each of these words separately and why Jesus used them.

Agapao literally means “to love”. Yet when I looked deeper, I found out that it’s not the kind of love we think of when we say the word love. Agape, the noun form of agapao, refers to an active love, one that shows itself in deeds and actions, that is often self-sacrificial and always a choice. This form of love is not a feeling. This form of love is deliberate. In fact, Jesus used agapao and its other forms more than any other to talk about love. He used it most often in the book of John to show the kind of love that not only God has for us, but that we should have for Him. In fact, when Jesus told Nicodemus, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son”, He used the word agapao. He used it to talk about His relationship with the Father: “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.”(Jn 15:9) He even used it in His final commandment to his disciples: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”(Jn 15:12 NIV) The last time in the Gospels that we see Jesus use agapao is in His questions to Peter. There’s a reason for this. As much to us as to Peter, He is asking, “Do you actively love me? Do you show it for others to see?”

So how do we actively love Jesus? I believe that there are three things Jesus did in His own life that we can learn from. As we look at how Jesus showed His love, we see that He served, He obeyed and He sacrificed.

Through His healings and miracles, He served others. At the wedding in Cana, recorded in John 2, Jesus turned jars full of water into fine wine. Why? So that the groom wouldn’t be embarrassed by the fact that his household had run out of wine for the wedding. In a town called Nain, He raised a widow’s only son from the dead. Why? So that the widow would be taken care of, since in that time, a woman depended either on her husband or her son for her income and without either, she might have become homeless and penniless. Jesus Himself stated that serving was one of His ministries on earth when He said, “For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others.”(Mt 20:28)

Jesus also obeyed His Father. “For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do what I want,” He told the people in John 6:38. Praying before His crucifixion, He says to the Father, “I brought glory to you here on earth by doing everything you told me to do.”(Jn 17:4) And even in His humanness, He obeyed: “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine.”(Lk 22:42)

This brings me to the last way Jesus showed agape: He went to the cross for you and me. For, you see, agape is sacrificial. Jesus showed the ultimate form of agape when He hung on a cross on a hill outside Jerusalem and became the once and for all sacrifice for sin, when He embodied and demonstrated the words that He had spoken to Nicodemus: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son”. Agape is a choice and sometimes that choice is sacrificial. Jesus had a choice: go to the cross as our sacrifice for sin, or, as Pastor Bill puts it, push the God button and wipe out sin with a wave of His hand. Because He had agape for us, Jesus went to the cross.

So what does all of this mean for us? It means we can learn from Jesus’ example. To show agape, we serve – we serve God, each other, those outside the church, including the ones we may not like very much. Jesus came to serve those who opposed Him, too, after all. To show agape, we obey what God tells us to do. To show agape, we sacrifice. We may not be called to sacrifice our lives, as Jesus and the majority of the disciples were, but there are things that God will call us to give up not only in order to show Him how much we love Him, but also to make us more like Jesus.

In addition to agape, Jesus asks us if we phileo Him. “Do you love me like a brother, like a friend?” He asks. “Do you have a relationship with me?” Jesus asks this because without a relationship with Him, agape is pointless. I think we’ve all heard of people who serve in churches not because they want to, but because they feel obligated to or because they want people to notice that they’re serving. Jesus addressed this on several occasions when He talked about those who prayed publicly in order to be heard, or dressed and acted a certain way in order to be seen as Godly by others. He called such people whitewashed tombs – they look good on the outside, but they’re dead on the inside because they’ve missed the point. To be like God, you need to know God. And to know God you need to have a relationship with Him. Jesus did, and He did it through one primary method: prayer. He got alone with His Father and talked to Him and listened to Him. He spent time with His Father. But the Father wasn’t the only person Jesus had a close relationship with. He spent three years in the company of several men He called His friends. When you spend time with someone, you get to know that person.

In the here and now, we have three ways that we get to know Jesus: prayer, which I’ve already mentioned, study of the word of God, the Bible, and worship. God communicates to us in all three ways.

In our busy lives, it’s difficult to take time to pray, yet prayer is one of the most essential keys to a healthy relationship with God. If we want to be like God, if we want to know Him, we must pray and we must take the time to pray. King David in Psalm 5 states: “Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.”(Ps 5:3)[i] David knew that the secret of a close relationship with God was prayer. Now this doesn’t mean you’ll do all the talking. In fact, God wants to do some of the talking. In Psalm 46:10, God says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”(NIV)[ii] If we are still before God, if we’re focusing our attention on Him, then He will speak. It may not be an audible voice; in fact, He will more often speak with a still, small voice that takes all of our concentration to hear in our hearts and minds and spirits. But I promise you, He wants to speak with you. You are precious to Him and He wants to spend time with you.

We also get to know God through His word, the Bible. God has a lot to say about who He is in the Bible. He is our Deliverer (Dt 5:6). He is our refuge (Ps 46:1). He is our Shepherd (Ps 23:1; Jn 10:11). He is our Strength (Jer 16:19). He is the Way, the Truth and the Life (Jn 14:6). He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last (Is 44:6; Rv 1:17). He is our Sacrifice, once and for all (Heb 10:12). This is just a smattering of examples as to who God is according to the Bible. As we read His word daily, we start to see what an amazing God we have, and learning about Him causes us to want to spend more time with Him. God also uses his word to teach us how to be like Him.

Finally, we get to know God through worship. I’m not just talking about the music we sing or listen to. I’m talking about every aspect of worship – the music, the giving, the teaching, the fellowship. Worship is just another way we can learn who God is, what He’s done, and hear Him speak. He may speak through the music or the teaching or another believer, but like with prayer and reading the word, He does want to speak. We need to keep an open heart to hear Him.

So how will you answer Jesus? He speaks the question even now to our hearts: “Do you love me? Do you actively love me? Are you my friend?” If your answer is yes, then I ask these questions: How will you agapao Him? How will you phileo Him? Will you serve, obey and sacrifice? Will you take time to pray, to read His word, to worship?

The work of the cross is done. The stone is rolled away. But once we accept God’s gift of grace, what will we do with it? This is what Jesus is asking. “I have died for your sins because of my agape for you. Do you love me?”

This is the last question of Jesus on earth according to Scripture. What is your answer?

[i] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, 60189. All rights reserved.
[ii] Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.