Good Grief

Psalm 30

Have you ever lost a loved one to death? Have you ever watched a child you raised to go the right way turn and go the wrong way? Have you ever been handed a pink slip just when you thought things were going well? Have you watched a home full of memories burn to the ground? Have you ever watched a spouse walk away from your marriage? Have you ever been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you’ve experienced a gamut of emotions: hurt, anger, sadness, heartache, confusion. But the emotion that probably encompasses all of these is one that is hard to define and understand: grief. Grief is defined as “Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement.” Professional counselors agree that there are several stages to grief, starting with disbelief and denial and ending with acceptance. None of the stages are set in stone; everyone grieves differently.

The truth is that at some point we all grieve over something, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, our health, or a wayward child. The Bible tells us that even God grieves. But the Bible also tells us that there is hope in grief.

One of my favorite Christian musicians is Steven Curtis Chapman. I not only love his music, but I admire him as a Christian. Several of his songs have spoken to my heart. Yet, something happened just over a year ago that challenged his faith. You see, several years ago, Steven and his wife Mary Beth adopted three little girls from China. The youngest was Maria, who turned five in the middle of last May. On May 21, 2008, Maria was playing in the Chapman’s front yard when her brother, the youngest of Steven and Mary Beth’s biological children, returned home. Excited to see her brother, Maria ran toward the driveway. Her brother never saw her. Maria was lifelined to a nearby hospital and was pronounced dead a short while later.

Suddenly the Chapmans were plunged into a new experience: grief. For a time after Maria’s death, Steven didn’t return to the stage. Shortly after he did, though, he began performing a new version of a song that had appeared on his newest album. He had written a new verse for the song “Yours” in the light of Maria’s death. The chorus of the song goes “And its all Yours, God, Yours, God/Everything is Yours/From the stars in the sky/To the depths of the ocean floor/And its all Yours, God, Yours, God/Everything is Yours/You're the Maker and Keeper, Father and Ruler of everything/It's all Yours.”

On August 5, the new version of the song became available for download with a new verse, which included these words: “Still even here in this great darkness/A comfort and a hope come breaking through/As I can say in life or death/God, we belong to You.”

What causes a man just weeks after losing his youngest child to pen a lyric like this? The Chapman family is united in the answer to that question: the hope they have in God. They know that Maria is with her Savior. They know they will see her again.

No doubt Psalm 30 has come up in the last year. As someone who’s recently become familiar with the grieving process, I can tell you that it’s come up several times in the last year and a half. In fact, the idea for this message has been hanging around my computer files for the last year. A year ago, though, I couldn’t have stood up here and spoken on this subject. Not enough time had passed since my dad had gone to be with his Savior.

As I was searching for Scriptures for this, I turned to the lectionary for inspiration. After several glances at the texts, Psalm 30 jumped out at me. God impressed on me that it was time for the idea for this message to come out of the ideas folder. The original idea had a different text. Someday, I might work that idea into a message, but not now. I’m going to look at the truths about grief that King David so eloquently shows us in this Psalm – that grief shakes our foundations, that all mourning has a morning and that God turns our mourning into dancing.

Anyone who has experienced grief knows that it shakes our very foundations – our hearts, our minds, sometimes even our faith. King David experienced this many times in his life. In Psalm 30, he says, “When I was prosperous, I said, ‘Nothing can stop me now!’ Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain. Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.”(Ps 30:6,7)

When something happens to bring grief in your life, it does sometimes feel like God has turned away. We question why – why this happened, why it happened to us, why God had to take that away from us. We question ourselves – what we could have done differently, what we should have said, should have done. We question our faith, whatever it may be – is my faith strong enough for this, can it see me through this? We question God – how could a loving God allow this to happen?

These questions are natural. They are part of what makes us human. No doubt Steven Curtis Chapman and his family asked these questions. We see evidence that Steven himself asked these questions in the song lyrics I showed you earlier. While I didn’t formulate these questions into words after my dad died, there is no doubt that my heart asked them. My whole world had been turned upside down. The man I thought would be there to walk me down the aisle someday was suddenly gone. In the span of a heartbeat, almost literally, my life was a whole lot emptier.

King David knew grief. When he was just a shepherd boy playing his harp for King Saul, he formed a close friendship with Saul’s son Jonathan and a great respect for “the Lord’s anointed”, a term he often used of Saul. Saul eventually, out of jealousy, pursued David in order to take his life. Yet, despite the fact that Saul wanted him dead, when David heard of Saul and Jonathan’s deaths, he grieved. Second Samuel tells us his exact reaction: “David and his men tore their clothes in sorrow when they heard the news. They mourned and wept and fasted all day for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the LORD’s army and the nation of Israel, because they had died by the sword that day…Then David composed a funeral song for Saul and Jonathan, and he commanded that it be taught to the people of Judah.” (2 Sam 1:11, 12, 17, 18)

Later in his life, David would experience the death of three of his sons, one of whom sought to usurp the throne and kill his father. Yes, David was well acquainted with grief.

The disciples knew grief, too. Sitting behind closed doors on the first day of the week, they must have asked these questions. What happened? Why did it happen? What were they going to do now? After all, they’d given up their livelihoods to traipse around Judea with their rabbi. Now he was dead. Mark tells us that the disciples were weeping and mourning for the loss of Jesus (Mk 16:10). Can you see Peter, the guilt of his actions adding to his grief? Scripture tells us that after he denied knowing Jesus, he “left the courtyard, weeping bitterly.”(Lk 22:62) Jesus’ death shook the disciples’ foundations.

Despite being intimately acquainted with grief, David saw this truth: all mourning has a morning. Just as night turns into day, so our grief eases. David tells us this: “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.”(Ps 30:5b) Now he didn’t mean a literal night and a literal morning. He meant that when we are grieving, our grief surrounds us and makes our world seem dark. But when we see the light at the end of the tunnel, our grief begins to ease and gradually that light gets brighter until we realize that our grief isn’t smothering us anymore.

When we last saw the disciples, they were encompassed by their grief. But soon, in this case literally a morning, their mourning had a morning. Mary Magdalene came to them with astonishing news: she and some other ladies went to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body, but when they arrived they found the stone was rolled away. In his gospel, Luke tells it this way: “As they stood there puzzled, two men suddenly appeared to them, clothed in dazzling robes. The women were terrified and bowed with their faces to the ground. Then the men asked, ‘Why are you looking among the dead for someone who is alive? He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Remember what he told you back in Galilee, that the Son of Man must be betrayed into the hands of sinful men and be crucified, and that he would rise again on the third day.’ Then they remembered that he had said this. So they rushed back from the tomb to tell his eleven disciples—and everyone else—what had happened.” (Lk 24:4-9)

Steven Curtis Chapman and his family could tell you that mourning has a morning. Though they still hurt from the loss of Maria, they have been able to reach many with their testimony. They have rejoiced as Emily, the eldest, got married. They have rejoiced that Caleb, the second oldest, is engaged to be married. On June 28, they left for China to celebrate the opening of an orphanage for special needs children named for Maria. Do they still miss Maria? Of course. But they also know that life goes on, that mourning has a morning.

I can tell you that mourning has a morning. Yes, I miss my dad. But now I can look back and smile instead of cry. I can remember the good times and even laugh at old memories. In our house, we even joke about Dad standing outside his heavenly mansion, steaks sizzling on the grill, a bottle of Coke in his hand, waiting for Jesus to show up so they can eat. And you know, I’m convinced my dad pulled on over on us. I believe he knew about my niece Penny before her parents did.

The thing is, there’s a key to mourning having a morning. That key is found in the final verses of Psalm 30. Talking to God, David says: “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!” David knew that the key to grief becoming joy was God. He knew that only God was able to turn his mourning into dancing. David knew that the only source of comfort was God.

This is not the only place in Scripture that we see this idea. Let me give you just a few examples:

Psalm 23:4 – Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (NIV)

Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.

Isaiah 40:29 – He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Isaiah 51:12a – “I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.”

Jeremiah 31:25 – “For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.”

Matthew 5:4 – “God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Matthew 11:28-30 – Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy
burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

John 14:27 – “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

John 16:33 – “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

2 Corinthians 1:3, 4 – All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17 – Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say.[i]

As you can see, we are continually reassured in Scripture that God is our source of comfort, that he will turn our mourning into dancing. He did for David, who, after the deaths of Saul and Jonathan, was anointed king of Judah in the town of Hebron. He did for the disciples, who, after the death of Jesus, saw Him resurrected, then told everyone they knew – and a lot of people they didn’t – about the One who turns tears into laughter. He has for the Chapmans, who have touched thousands of lives with their testimony to God’s comfort and strength. He has for my family, who remember my dad with smiles and laughter, ‘cause you know – he may even be getting carpentry tips from Jesus.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

[i] Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, 60189. All rights reserved.